hazel

Rumor has it, if you say “a algorithm” three times, Hazel has a aneurysm.

Relaxed? They pace back and forth like they’re awaiting a jury verdict.

Let’s go deeper.

I feel so much more comfortable and authentic being heavily feminine. If I were to drop absolutely every shred of learned masculinity, it would be jarring to people who know me. I’m balancing shedding my made–up masculine past with staying at least somewhat recognisable as the person they first met. I don’t know how necessary this is, but that’s the mental gymnastics I’m dealing with right now.

• Break the masculine habits of the past
• Be feminine enough for the people who might think you’re not “making an effort”
• Don’t be so feminine that people will think you’re playing a character

All squares are rectangles, but it is true that none of these rectangles are squares.

And younger people. We now have a sizable population of young adult technology users who have never known an operating system that wasn’t full of ads, obfuscated cloud storage, paywalled everything and apps that won’t run without an Internet connection. Adoption of an AI interface like this would seem intuitive and rational to these users, as they haven’t really experienced agency within their tech environment to begin with.

Did you find that socially isolating at all? On one hand, and probably more a thought from my adult brain than something I would have agreed with back then, one doesn’t want friendships that are predicated on such things. On the other hand, it sure looked like they were having a lot of fun playing Pokémon, whereas I didn’t know the first thing about it. It would have been an easy thing to use as common ground.

Watching your friend’s Tamagotchi while they’re away sounds almost humiliating though.

My sister and I, aged 9 and 6 respectively, were sitting in the car waiting for our father to grab a couple of things from the supermarket. My sister pointed at a girl sitting on a bench outside the store playing with a Tamagotchi. I’d never heard of it. My sister described it to me, and I liked the idea a lot. It sounded like this thing would be my friend, and I didn’t have a lot of those.

“Tell mum and dad to get you one!” I remember this phrasing, because it made me uncomfortable to even think of telling my parents to do anything for me. It bothered me that she felt it was acceptable to demand things like this. I did ask my father though, and he heaved a sigh before relenting. He’d bought one for one of his children, so he knew he couldn’t deny the other one. Maybe that’s why my sister thought I was in a strong position to be demanding.

At the toy shop, my father asked the store clerk for a Tamagotchi in a defeated and despairing way. “Oh yeah they all want those bloody things now, don’t they?” I can’t remember the exact quote, but I remember the two grown-ups agreeing that these Tamagotchi things are stupid and annoying. It was very clear that I was pushing my father into doing something he didn’t want to do, and enduring something he found bothersome in the future. I stood there in shame as he paid for the thing I was now pretty sure I didn’t want.

In my bedroom that evening, I pulled out the little tab that isolated the battery, and the Tamagotchi sprung to life. It didn’t feel like a friend at all. It felt like a dirty little secret. I played with it for a few minutes, but I just felt so guilty. By the next time I picked it up, the battery was almost dead. I wished so much that I had never asked for that thing.

I don’t think I experience 90s nostalgia in the same way as the majority of my peers. I remember the feel of the 90s, but all of these little toys and gadgets were things my parents despised, and either refused to have in the house, or begrudgingly allowed in very small doses while making their contempt for them very clear. Maybe that was for the best in a lot of ways, but it boxed me out of the 90s childhood that many seem to remember very fondly.

Will Tilly be the first actor to be this universally despised before ever even being cast in a role?

Oh heeyyyyyyy! 💙

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

I’m a sleepy extremist. I might be a threat later, we’ll see. *yawn*

Rule 2 seems to negate most of the defining characteristics of the MAGA movement, no?

People ask why I triple every recipe. This is why.

I gotchu.

Why am I envious of her voice?

Not just uncomfy. A Victorian dress is basically a contraceptive. Try having sex in this thing.

Pretty tho…

So glad you said this. I feel less weird about my reaction now. He gives me so much ick I feel like I need a shower. Matt Rife has the same effect when he does his lip biting fukboi thing.

nooooooooooo!

ʸᵉᵉᵉᵉᵉˢˢˢˢˢˢˢˢˢ!

I eat stickers all the time, dude!

The stickers they put on apples are really stuck on. Sometimes I just like to walk into a supermarket, buy an apple, and eat it while walking. I can’t handle having apple skin and sticky apple juice under my fingernails, so I eat the apple from the sticker end. I don’t care. Put the stickers in me I don’t care anymore.

Tell us about this book.