I invite you to come shop at my Walmart :) We were one of the first stores in the country to get those little electronic price tags, so you can’t say with any certainty what the price of anything is, anymore.

If the vegetables haven’t already gone bad on the shelves, they will within a day at your place, and make sure to check the expiration date on every single package you pick up, because they’re often past gone. Also, don’t trust the frozen foods, they defrost in the trucks and on open pallets in the middle of the aisles.

My kids say “tomorrow after that day” instead of the day after tomorrow; my oldest came up with it as a toddler and it just stuck.

When I was working at a day care decades ago I didn’t want to read a kid’s book that was partially in Spanish, because I didn’t want to fuck up the pronunciation in front of actual Spanish speaking kids.

I’ll never live that racist reputation down.

Mona and Nachos… Can confirm.

I used to work at a zoo. When you introduce a new animal to an exhibit, you soap the window so they don’t hurt themselves in their confusion. Just… Take a bar of soap and fog up the window with it.

Probably smells a lot better too.