I love to make really bad similes/metaphors like “I have the memory of a fish with very poor memory” or “I’m as tall as a tree thats my height”.
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Works better when spoken but just say this in your head really fast
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joketiming.
i have a friend who loves to tell the interrupting cow joke
he always fucks it up though, so instead of interrupt-mooo you getknock knock
who’s there
interrupting cow
interrupting cow who
dammit
he’s a funny guy.
Bearded guy, so: “[insert any small talk compliment about my beard here]” “Thanks, it’s been growing on me.”
I tend to reply “Thank, I grew it myself”
“thanks, it has pockets!”
And then I pull out the m&ms I’ve been hiding in the.
this one doesn’t work quite as well without speaking. but
“how do you think the unthinkable?”
“with an itheberg.” (iceberg with a lisp)
I didn’t understand
Say it out loud.
Still don’t get it :(
\Thay it in hith voithe
Am I this stupid ?
I still don’t understand the joke xD
Dude.
Bruh!
Broski…
Okay, I’ll make a final attempt…
In the joke, the ‘thinkable’ is actually ‘sinkable’.
Which is not clear when you say it the first time because it sounds like you’re saying ‘think’ & ‘thinkable’, both of which are actually words.
Trick lies in enunciating the punchline.
Hence the Mike Tyson reference.
Now, if you still haven’t got it, I really hope you are very very very rich so that you can survive in this world with that super smooth brain in your skull.
If you did get it now, henceforth it is your ethical and moral duty to spread this stupid-ass joke every time you get the chance.
God speed and be weird.Oh I get it now, thx !
Also I’m not a native English speaker
What is white and interrupts your breakfast? An Avalanche
Why are pirates pirates?
Because they arrrrr!
Yarr, what be a pirate’s favourite letter?
His first love be the C
I can sea why yar be thinkin’ that, but it be the letter arrrr.
P, because without it a Pirate would just be irate
And a pirate’s least favorite letter?
“Dear sir or ma’am, We are writing you to inform you of your third copyright strike violation…”
Two men walk into a bar.
The third man ducked.
Bob and Doug are building a fence. Bob is throwing about half the nails into a garbage can. After seeing this going on for a while, Doug asks “Why are you throwing nail in the trash?” Bob says “The heads are on the wrong end” Doug can’t believe what he just heard and says “You dummy, use those nails on the other side of the fence!”
It’s between two. If they have a sense of humor I go with this one:
Person: Hey, my name is $name
Me, with the tone of a generic highschool bully: Nice name, did your mom pick it out for you?
If I can’t:
Person: What’s your name?
Me: Oh, it’s $name
Person: Oh that’s a nice name!
Me: Thanks, I picked it out myself!
“Thanks, it was a birthday present”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What’s Brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
“May I ask you a question?”
“Sure”
“Thanks, may I another?”
Basiclly, if someone needs something like a lemon squeezer or something else ending with “er” I always like the classic “squeeze her? I hardly know her!” style joke.
That, or something dumb like the “I wanted to tell you a pizza joke but it’s too cheesy!” type of joke.
Those were two of the first things that popped into my mind.
I have a really good joke about a cow, but I’d probably just butcher it…
Knock knock Who’s there? A deaf guy. A deaf guy who? …
two pretzels were walking down the street. one was a salted pretzel.
I was talking to my best friend who has a girlfriend that has a gun h9bby about Valentines day.
I told him to buy her a model Tommy gun for vday.
I told her in person he refused my advice.
Her response: “that’s fucked up” 😐
It’s amazing how many people like Trump and his entourage. After all, they’re fucking immature assholes.
