That’s what we’re doing today? We’re gonna fight?
Sorry if I triggered you. I hope you can find healing. 🫶
Now listen here you little shit, all some of us have is delusion
What if I see nothing wrong with this?
I’m too tired to give chances anymore. I just want to get high, watch my shows, play my games, read and sleep. I don’t need someone like my ex screaming at me or my old best friend deciding that after a break up the best thing to do was to try and get in my pants.
Am I supposed to just you know, open myself up to the species that systematically mistreated me, paint a target on my back again? Put my hand down on the stove again? After so much time looking for alternatives?
I’m not even sure what kind of people it would take for me to unclam again, what lies it would take to fool me.
Small consolation, maybe, but I doubt the entire species is to blame!? But I do feel you, truly, especially your last sentence.
U can trust me, World’s dumbest man.
But only if you pinky promise not to sell state secrets I’m going to tell you?
Of course, I wouldn’t even know where the Chinese consulate is or how to contact the intelligence officer there.
Certainly, you’re no secret…waaaaait a second…
Wrong: the isolation also triggers me
which allows me time to heal :3
time and space & time and space
That’s why I just self administered CBT and dropped acid a few times
I probably should drop acid again to help internalize healing I’ve done for shit that happened since then
I didn’t know cock and ball torture was this powerful.
I’ve tried it dozens of times and it hasn’t done shit for me. I’m gonna keep trying weekly though.
Have you ever had a bad time on it?
I know a lot of people that say this about using it to heal and stuff and man from my perspective I’m like how!?
Have you ever had a panic attack type of situation on it? If so how do you channel that into something healing? I always just feel so broken down and depressed at the end of trips like that.
Do you pair it with anything that helps? I used to enjoy it so much man and have explosively good times on it but that doesn’t seem to happen anymore now I just worry about shit.
I was in my mid 20s at the time lol, so it may be that I was young. But I was also actively practicing CBT at the time and trying to fix my mind.
I’ve never had a trip that was unproductively bad, but I’ve also never had a trip that was easy and all fun (n is in the single digits though). All of them fit somewhere in the “challenging” category where a portion of it was very unpleasant, but ultimately constructive.
My worst was before I started the CBT and was with my now ex around the beginning of the end of the relationship. It was mostly trying to show me that we’d grown incompatible. The lessons of the rest were either similar “hey you’re deliberately ignoring something with someone in your life who you happen to be tripping with”, or “here’s some bullshit you’ve been on and it’s time to confront it and actually change.”
Those trips aren’t easy, and they aren’t necessarily relaxing. They’re more comparable to an emotional marathon or some other physical challenge made emotional. And I think part of what’s vital is I go in accepting that I can change and part of my goal is change. The suck is necessary to achieve the goal. A big part of how they worked was actually forcing me to face shit. The only way out was through, and by the end a self destructive behavior or thought pattern was firmly something I didn’t want to participate in anymore.
So yeah I guess learning meditation techniques and how to hamper panic attacks and channel the energy they come with into useful and constructive energy is probably the crux of it though. My cbt was largely focused on that and breaking the destructive habits I learned from cptsd.
Oh also sex on the come up was always nice.
I’m in this picture, but to be honest: It’s a peaceful life.
It really is.
Have a friend on a ‘healing journey’ and they reading declassified MK ultra docs like its the bible. Bruh.
I swear to god dude those files changed 12 year old me when I found out about them.
It seriously tore me apart I was asking all of my teachers about it, every single adult I know “Did you know that we did this?? Why don’t we learn about this here in school?” I obsessed over it.
My dad finally told me to tone it the fuck down, so I did. But I still think about them all the time because it was like one of the first glimpses I had into the fact that people we are supposed to trust are untrustworthy.
I was about 12 or 13 when I read them too on some obscure shady forum and I was like “This is crazy conspiracy theorist shit.” Little did I know, those crazy conspiracy nuts were on to something
Like, thinking that was done to them or…
Because ngl reading those docs does sound fascinating, but not in any way healing
WOW a reader! So whats up! I would love to pick their brain. Cool interest but subject is bleak which is fine with me. Did you tell them how you feel? or other people?
If you’re a reader check them out
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MKUltra
Some of the ones I remember most are the ones where the pediatricians would experiment on the bodies of some of the kids who died in the hospitals and not tell the parents, and when they gave that CIA guy a heroic mega dose of LSD and put him in a mirrored room with prostitues and he jumped out a window or the one where they fed kids in the “science club” at their school irradiated oats from the Quaker Oats corporation (trademark! They knew about it) just to see what would happen to them.
There’s way worse than that in there though. Some real freakshow shit but honestly just imagine all the shit someone was reading through all this saw to want to black out whole pages of information.
I bet you its because some of it might still be ongoing.
I’ll take what I can get.
Shit toxic people say…
perfect time to start building up solutions to your wounds
What’s the difference?
Wounds don’t really heal if they’re being constantly reopened / irritated. Once the source of the injury is removed, some wounds will heal with time, and others require more specialized treatment. For that latter type, the lack of constant reinjury can feel a lot like healing, but it’s not quite the same, and old injuries can flare up and/or have secondary issues down the line. Finding and healing them is a long and inconstant process that only really starts after escaping the cause of the damage. An analogy might be pulling someone out of a collapsed building, then treating them for the effects of asbestos exposure.
I was kinda shit-answering but good answer!
However I am afraid neurodivergence actually makes a difference as we re-experience our pains constantly.
It surely does, though I don’t think self-harming mental patterns are exclusive to neurodivergent folk.
Oh I wasn’t talking about self harming patterns. It’s the neurotypical harming us/me routinely.
(without evil intent but just as a result of the 99% vs 1% behavior, so it’s just normal)
Yes, but in such cases healing involves learning how to avoid some of those pains and manage and cope with the rest.
Some of us are just out of luck, there’s literally nothing.
One is good for you, while the other just makes your condition both progressively worse and harder to escape from.
Thanks, however I was shit-answering but that got me to thinking… It absolutely depends.
lol sorry
I should be better at reading tone.
Ah no harm done
Same thing
exactly…
Fantastic!
