I’m not Netflix or a struggling screenwriter. I just read an offhand prophecy of how the year pans out and thought it would make a good chat.
Pitch this years Christmas movie to me based on the the crazy year we have had and how it’s going to impact the lead up to Christmas. For simplicity state the genre and maybe around 300 words. Go as crazy as you fancy, the world is a bit bizarre at the moment and Christmas does not have to always be sickly sweet.
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As astrologer using an AI connected to a data broker site churns star charts as a way to send hyper-personalized spam. Inadvertently, it locates the birth chart of the “the chosen one.” The person who has the most incredible star chart ever, with their peak of power taking place during a conjunction on Dec 25.
Cut to some anarchist punk skater orphan kid that has never received an Xmas present since their parents died in a car accident and the kid and their twin were split up. The kid has no idea what happened to their twin, and they were separated too young to remember each other. The kid has friends that are punks, their in a band together, and they’re planning on crashing a Christmas concert for teen pop star Tina Swizzle because she’s sooooo mainstream.
Yadda yadda yadda, Hallmark movie middle. Character development, plot devices, CGI. The astrologer and an AI sidekick try to track down the chosen one, always using the singular.
Punk kid crashes the concert. Astrologer finds them right as they’re about to literally dump 50 gallons of septic sludge on Tina Swizzle. The cops will definitely arrest Punk Kid and they’ll go to jail for 900 years.
Punk kid, from in the scaffolding above the stage, back stage sees Tina Swizzle play some practice chords and then wail a punk riff. Punk kid has a moment of pause.
The astrologer leverages connections to get in to the concert. Tells Tina’s Momager what he’s doing. Momager confesses that Tina is adopted, and was a twin, and has the same birthrate, place, and time as punk kid.
A suspiciously real Santa shows up, pulls Punk Kid’s bass from his bag. Snow in the theater, Punk Kid falls to the stage on a set piece. Before security gets there, they play the riff Tina played back stage. Tina plays back. Santa sbows up on drums.They end up playing the most amazing punk Xmas concert ever. Mindblowimg music.
Album sales go to charity and solve all the world’s problems. The song leads to world peace. Momager loves Punk Kid and they’re a family now.
The end.
Christmas horror. As the autumn months rolled on target shoppers started to notice a peculiar toy trend, not driven by ticktok or tumu but from international sanctions, blockades and the executive order issuing only one dolly per child this Christmas.
To stream line the Christmas production and help Santa out the year the government steps in to help with the issuing of the Dolly’s. They come in pink or blue. They will be produced by the countries biggest funds donee sorry family driven org. To make the kids happy they will all be called buddie and will be quipped with a Ai driven function to chat to you like a real friend. They will listen to your child’s worries, insecurities and your families every thought.
Santa not happy at thought of being out of a job moving forward decides to take action by sneaking into every home on Christmas Eve to steal the dolls. However upon dropping down the chimney is greeted by doll with the face drawn by Ai slop, its eyes turn corporate blue and alert the local authority. At the report of an undocumented migrant comes in a special Christmas hit squad named ICE is dispatched….this is as far as I got, it needs a name and an ending if anyone fancies completing it.
A young American GI, conscripted and sent to fight in Iran, goes AWOL and flees into Egypt where he takes sanctuary in a coptic church.
A young Egyptian woman, heartbroken because her husband was imprisoned and killed by the Sisi regime for speaking out against tyranny, is praying at that same church for a sign that god hasn’t forsaken her and still has a plan for her.
The two meet by chance; he accidentally steps on her robe and she trips. He reaches down to help her up; as they look into each other’s eyes they simply know the pain and loss the other is going through
Following a whirlwind romance that involves escaping both the Egyptian secret police and the American military police, the pair flee south, signing on to crew with Somali pirates; later, after the ship is attacked by the Indian Navy, the pair steals the only lifeboat.
Now, on Christmas Eve, after days at sea with nothing but each other, the pair wash up on the Eritrean shore.
The most incredible thing happens next: an unusually cold evening, an unseasonal rainstorm, then suddenly… Snow.
As they lay in each others’ arms, snow gently falling around them they kiss.
END
