i don’t. my fatal butt disease surgeon, his office was covered in artwork of animal butts. i bet he’d’ve loved to conduct the study

yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi

My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav’s time) and don’t know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.

are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers

i’m just putting this out there, if you take too long to poop the toilet alligator gonna eat you

what about the cat that runs up and down the hallway at night with her ball in her mouth yelling “look at me! i have my ball!” (you know the meow) and while playing footie with another ball at approximately 85dB. and if you get up and look at her, she just lays down and says “oh! it is time for pets and plays!” but the game she wants to play is “do not pet me”

that is a draconian punishment for an obscene crime. i’m not saying it doesn’t fit, but damn. only times i see judges give sentences beyond 20 is when the defendant goes out of their way to piss off the judge.

just committing this crime is enough to piss me off, which is reason alpha i don’t have the temperament to be a judge, but the extreme sentence gives me the feeling perpetrator must have been intransigent, incorrigible, showed no recognizance or remorse, stuff like that throughout the entire trial. Had a lawyer who repeatedly (to the point it appeared intentional) ignored court rules and procedures. represented himself. sovcit bullshit. stuff like that.

Katee is cheating

yes, vimes.

that assumes you are speaking in iambic and I have issues with that assumption

yet

Deepwater Chopra

my boss has the biggest, ugliest old printer. it’s half the size of one of those big office printers, only it’s supposed to be a “goes in the corner of your desk” printers. has a feed for dot matrix paper and everything.

it has never broken once.

it has never had any network problems.

when he retired and the firm closed, and we all had a free for all looting the company, if we were the type of people to come to blows over things we would have come to blows over that printer. we settled it over a game of “i’m your boss, i get to take my printer home. go steal a box of pens and one of the other printers”

the monstrosity uses LPT cables. I don’t know how it connects to anything anymore, but every once in a while my old boss sends me a letter on dot matrix paper and that gives me a chuckle.

my box used to be organized. now it’s all just a jumbled mess and i’m scared to open it

delete the history and then watch a bunch of my little pony stuff on his account. like, a lot a lot.

there used to be (the ones up by you and me closed. closest one is down in clovis now and i’m not driving that far for steak) a nice local steak chain that grilled their steaks over almond wood. honestly my favorite part was smelling the almond off the meat and how the nuttiness of the wood and the savoriness of the haem blended… i miss them. and now i need to get some almond wood

Just healing. It all works the same because everyone’s journey is unique. Thus it all ends up being unpredictable.

If the American press had given me 20 minutes of airtime I could have convinced everyone they don’t want to get involved with Greenland. We’re not tough enough as a people to survive in Greenland, much less “take it over”.

I doubt that trump supporters cheering on the USA throwing their weight around like the world’s bully-in-chief would be receptive to such a message.

Yeah, remember these are the folk moving from Florida to Alaska with nothing but a knife and a Canadian tuxedo and being surprised when they die after two weeks.

At least we have hot chips now while we’re being lied to. Society has come so far