[knock knock]

Me: Who is it?

Shark: ….candygram

I mean, crabs are dangerously enough already with those strong claws, do we really want them learning how to read too? Think about it….

[taps forehead meme]

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!

!norm_macdonald_snl_jokes@piefed.zip

My new Norm Macdonald SNL Jokes community. I am reposting screenshots of the Twitter account of the same name. I’m going “there” so you don’t have to!

I’ll try to post one a day, but no promises. The posting schedule might be sporadic, so don’t get hung up on a specific time.

We need to have a Norm McDonald Joke of the Day here on Lemmy. If I had the time I would do it, but alas, I do not.

That was probably me on Reddit. I’ve probably posted it there on a similar post.

Y’know, I understand where you’re coming from, but my dad did his time in the military, including a stint in Vietnam. He’s 81 now, and I don’t see the harm in giving him a little bit off of a bill for his service. He’s not obnoxious about it, but will sometimes ask, and take it if it’s available. If not, no big deal.

My dad is a veteran, and he will sometimes ask, and sometimes they will ask him. Almost always, especially in restaurants, he just says that he is, and they give him the discount.

My wife & I were going into a restaurant one afternoon, and there was a man in a wheelchair with no legs below the knee sitting next door at the exit to Walmart. His sign said that he was a homeless vet. As we started in, I told my wife to hold on, and I ran over and gave him $20. When I got back, my wife said, “Did you just give that guy 20 bucks?” I said, “Yep, why?” She said, “You know he’s just going to spend it on alcohol.” I said, “I hope so, the guy ain’t got no legs, let him have a good drink!”

Where I live, there isn’t much walking, but the homeless stand at intersections and hold signs and look at you while you wait on the light to change.

My wife, who is a much better person than I, will keep $5 McDonald’s gift cards in her vehicle and sometimes hand those out. She says that there is a McDonald’s within walking distance of almost anywhere in town, and that $5 is enough to get a couple of things off the value menu and a free cup of water. If they’re really homeless and hungry, at least they will have something to eat.

Y’know, I would never have thought of betting on it, but now that they told me I shouldn’t, all I wanna do is bet on it.

Money. Money is the reason they couldn’t stay “Football Team”. The Trademark & Patent Office told them that it was too generic and that they couldn’t trademark it. Therefore anyone could sell merchandise with the name on it. That’s not going to fly, so Commanders it is.

As a side note, Daniel Snyder made a BIG deal about having a contest and letting the fans have a say in the new name. The truth is that he trademarked the name Commanders the day before announcing the name change. That’s what it was always going to be, and he didn’t care what the fans wanted.

Happy Real Cake Day!

Amen, brother. Voyager helps scratch that old Apollo itch.

Since you just joined and aren’t yet deeply invested in your new account, you might want to think about joining piefed.world. It’s the same .world instance, it just uses the PieFed front end, which is much cleaner and more feature rich.

Man, I really like PieFed. I have been on a small local-ish Lemmy instance for about a year and a half, and I have enjoyed it, but PieFed is a much better front end for Lemmy. The owner of my instance has deployed PieFed, I’m helping to beta test it and get it stable, and I plan on staying here.