OP is a dolphin who got screwed by an electrical power outlet mid-post.

Wait.

Same reason we have a number that you call to report a suspected drunk driver but not one for somebody doing a great job following all the laws.

No, I’m still going with the horse dewormer paste line.

That’s not what apostrophes do.

There’s a medication for that.

Sure, the text is garbage, but how about that wall-mounted forked metal dildo? Damn, Parker, didn’t know you had it in you.

On the subject of focusing on the wrong thing, affecting.

I could’ve beaten it but only to the first story, second one’s too sad.

Vendgeance: Exact Change

A serial killer is on the way to the electric chair and passes a drink machine. Feeling parched but with no change in his prison pocket, he starts to rock the machine in hopes of shaking something loose. He is successful but, unfortunately for him, the thing shaken loose is the entire vending machine which tips over and pins him to the floor. Busted cans spray soda and fragments of glass into his open mouth so attempts to scream for help only come out as a muffled gurgle. There’s no chance that he’ll be heard over the crackling thunder. Oh yeah, there’s a storm too.

The liquid pools and spreads until it reaches the machine’s frayed electrical cable, giving the killer his electrocution a little earlier than planned. His body goes from dying to dead right before the breaker trips, plunging the whole complex into darkness. Flashes of lightning provide spooky intermittent illumination.

The families of the people he killed had just made it into the wing with the execution viewing room when all of this is taking place. Lights flicker while they make subdued small talk. Many carry pictures or mementos to stand in for the loved ones they’ve lost to this monster. The last of them comes in and shuts the door when that circuit breaker finally gives up the ghost.

Guards find the charred corpse on the floor but it’s clearly too late to do anything. Electric locks won’t cycle until the power is back on so they can’t bring him to the infirmary anyway. Settling in for the wait, the guards absorb themselves in a game of cards by flashlight. One gets thirsty and notices the drink machine standing by the wall has two bright red LEDs shining from its control panel. Strange, he thinks, must have a battery backup…

Anyway, they’re all toast. It’s a real gorefest. More plot happens, tension and hijinks with those families from earlier too. Love sideplot with some who lost spouses. Various trinkets of the killer’s victims protect them from the machine’s attacks so they figure out that his consciousness was transferred on death.

In a final showdown, the remaining family members lure the machine into the room with the electric chair. Ghosts rise out of the photos they brought earlier and feed themselves into the power outlet in order to energize the chair. The living struggle to get straps and electrodes in position on the machine. The family member who was last to arrive earlier delivers a sick one-liner and pulls a big chunky switch to complete the circuit and put an end to the horror once and for all. The machine shudders, jolts, and smokes. A flash of lightning shows its boxy rectangular frame, another shows the man they were expecting to see in that same chair. This happens several times but not so many that it gets too boring. It’s the machine again and those red LEDs glow faintly before dimming and winking out.

The lights come back on, the chair is empty. Everyone goes home and lives happily ever after.

(Also, if anyone’s wondering why the facility was so poorly built, why the prisoner was unattended, why the machine was there, etc., it’s because horror movie logic. Don’t worry about it.)

Nobody at their first meeting wanted to admit that they knew what it meant.

Maybe he’s planning on moving there and wants to kill two birds with one stone. He can have his little book club meeting or whatever and notify them of his status as a sex offender all at once.

Can almost everyone afford private school tuition?

I’m curious about that part as well. It’s possible that they reported feeling better in studies where alleviation or relief were included while the other mentioned outcomes stayed the same as the control arm. Ivermectin has a strong bitter taste which may have tipped off the experiment group and influenced those subjective measurements but deaths, ventilator requirements, and hospitalization rates are objective results. Don’t know if that’s why but it makes sense to me.

I don’t see any egg sacs.

That’s how you know they’re there. Sneaky fellas.

Almost like we suck at risk assessment or something. That’s why we have a whole Wikipedia category about shark attack films but none where a vending machine is the primary antagonist. Honorable mention to the one in Maximum Overdrive that kills the coach though. Spoilers, by the way. Also this section of a Wikipedia page with a few other pop culture references.

Transparency declaration
[TJ Borody] is a principal in Topelia Therapeutics (Ventura, California), which seeks to commercialize cost-effective treatments for COVID-19, including IVM.

Doctor who advocated Covid-19 therapy including ivermectin applied for patent on same unproven treatment. Nice to see that he’ll disclose it when absolutely required but omitting it elsewhere is kinda scummy.

The impact of ivermectin on COVID-19 outcomes: a systematic review and meta-analysis. (7 Jan 2025)

While ivermectin showed significant benefits in symptom alleviation and sustained symptom relief, it did not significantly affect other key clinical outcomes such as mortality, mechanical ventilation requirement, or hospitalization rates.

!superbowl@lemmy.world

Public schools continue to be the best option for almost everyone. Home schooling is another way for abusers to isolate their victims. Needs more regulation and no-notice inspections so it’s harder to hide misconduct.

Scoop out a little of the horse dewormer paste to make room, you can pack it back in later.