• Lucky_777@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    If you’re going to do this as a man, you need to be in amazing physical shape. Otherwise it’s going to be difficult for you. Hit the gym and get stacked.

    • JCSpark@lemmy.ca
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      6 days ago

      Interesting. I don’t find that’s the case at all. I’m certainly not “stacked”, yet I’ve managed to find two partners that I absolutely adore. They each have other partners as well.

      I’m pretty sure being open, honest, and vulnerable with a high EQ is far more important than having great abs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to the gym when I can, but real open relationships are about more than sex appeal and jealousy.

      • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net
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        5 days ago

        Yeah, that scans with my own experience. I’ve known plenty of poly dudes who aren’t necessarily “conventionally attractive” (ugh, I hate that phrase) who have multiple partners and/or lots of casual sex. All of them are pretty charismatic and sensitive, and that’s a big deal even if we’re just looking at sexual relationships.

        Recently I’ve been trying out online dating, and something that has been super striking to me is the number of guys who end up being terrible in bed because they go into things with a sort of guidebook, treating “good at sex” as being some kind of objective trait, and measuring their self worth by whether or not I orgasm. That’s one “archetype” I’ve stumbled across a bunch, but the other is much more like the kind of guy who successfully does polyamory, regardless of their physical appearance. Their “strategy” involves actually listening and being open to learning what makes me in particular tick. You used the word “vulnerable” in your comment, and that’s exactly it — in my view, that’s an essential quality, even in more casual relationships. You’ve got to be comfortable in your own skin.

        And for some people, going to the gym does help with that. I know that I felt a lot more confident when I was more of a beefcake. But it’s certainly not the only way to do it

        • JCSpark@lemmy.ca
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          5 days ago

          Good question, and I’m happy to answer.

          My personal wealth is damn near zero (and also no one’s business, but relevant here). A series of events led me to losing a number of assets, and scraping myself up from a deep depressive stretch.

          A ton of therapy, personal development, and some medication has helped me to live a healthy balanced life. That’s what my partners find attractive. It’s not my wealth or abs, but the work I’ve done my myself.

    • superglue@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 days ago

      Yep, otherwise get used to sitting at home playing video games on a Saturday night while your wife is our getting plowed.

    • jtrek@startrek.website
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      6 days ago

      You don’t need to be in amazing shape (though it probably doesn’t hurt) but you need to be way more interesting and emotionally mature than the average guy.

      If you’re the kind of person who gets upset like in this meme that your newly non-monogamous wife got more dates than you did, you are not mature enough to be getting dates with other non-monogamous people.