Have you ever seen a pen that’s been chewed on? They’re everywhere.

Pen Island residents

If you lick 15 of them, you get to join the Pen15 club.

It’s the Republican equivalent of vaccination.

You know, licking pens is rather the exquisite taste. When I have to get up early every morning to leave my house, I prepare by licking my pens. Sometimes, if I feel generous, I sit down and have a coffee before I nibble on the pens. I am not married and have a collection of 40 types of writing tools, varying from calligraphy brushes to stifts and simple pencils and anything in between. I work in administration and get home everyday by seven o’ clock at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occassionally eat steak. I sleep in rather late, but always have six hours of sleep. I drink milk straight from the fridge, without heating it. After thirty minutes of scrolling meme videos I go back to nibbling on my shaking brush, and everytime I close my eyes, I sleep. Then I wake up always refreshed, as a baby who has no obligation towards the world. What I am trying to explain is that I live my life in the exact way I want. I do not concern myself with societal views of wearing kilted skirts, or attacking my own friends in a strategic video game. That would be pointless and cause me to lose sleep. It’s how I deal with life, y’know? Although if I were to strive against you in a friendly competition of pen licking, I wouldn’t lose.