I’m a woman with a STEM PhD, and several of the guys I’ve dated have decided to prove they are smart enough to date me by looking up my publications from grad school (20 years ago now), reading them, and then trying to impress me by trying to poke holes in them or otherwise making me defend them on the spot.
That tactic is now an instant method to get me to end contact. It betrays a deep insecurity with my having expertise greater than theirs on any topic, even ones I have decades of work in. No Jimmy, you can’t become my peer by reading a few papers. I don’t think you are dumb, but I’m not spending time with you to massage your ego about your insecurity. Byyyye
This is the most toxic male behavior ever. It has all the hallmarks - arrogance, insecurity, and enough ‘subtly’ to seem ‘ok’ at first, only for it to be turned into something terrible
What the hell is with that level of insecurity. My wife is smarter than me, it was pretty clear pretty quick, most people realize she’s smarter than them within a few hours of conversation. If you can’t handle dating someone smart you desperately need to get the fuck over yourself. But also you can just leave! Or find a constructive way to deal with those feelings! Sigh.
Like I get insecurity about academics, my life in early adulthood was rough and resulted in me leaving after my undergrad instead of staying to the minimum of a masters degree that was expected of me. But I can’t fucking imagine trying to deal with that by attempting to poke holes in a partner’s achievements.
I’m a woman with a STEM PhD, and several of the guys I’ve dated have decided to prove they are smart enough to date me by looking up my publications from grad school (20 years ago now), reading them, and then trying to impress me by trying to poke holes in them or otherwise making me defend them on the spot.
That tactic is now an instant method to get me to end contact. It betrays a deep insecurity with my having expertise greater than theirs on any topic, even ones I have decades of work in. No Jimmy, you can’t become my peer by reading a few papers. I don’t think you are dumb, but I’m not spending time with you to massage your ego about your insecurity. Byyyye
This is the most toxic male behavior ever. It has all the hallmarks - arrogance, insecurity, and enough ‘subtly’ to seem ‘ok’ at first, only for it to be turned into something terrible
That’s so sweet! It’s nice when people make efforts to engage with your interests
…nevermind.
What the hell is with that level of insecurity. My wife is smarter than me, it was pretty clear pretty quick, most people realize she’s smarter than them within a few hours of conversation. If you can’t handle dating someone smart you desperately need to get the fuck over yourself. But also you can just leave! Or find a constructive way to deal with those feelings! Sigh.
Like I get insecurity about academics, my life in early adulthood was rough and resulted in me leaving after my undergrad instead of staying to the minimum of a masters degree that was expected of me. But I can’t fucking imagine trying to deal with that by attempting to poke holes in a partner’s achievements.