yea, i got that. it has to be sharp and sudden pain. all that talk of using cold to safely manage is complete utter bullshit. recently i used a hammer to hit the space between the bones in my fore arm, and that straightened me out incredibly quick, but man the recovery from that sucked. i usually slam my fists against my steel desk, but my hands are always creaky now.
i should sleep but i cant. i should do things that i enjoy, but doing them is not joyful, and that makes me compound the frustration and the anger. the weekends are dangerous. holidays more so. my work has mandated time off because i don’t take pto. so in three month i will have to face the prospect of 20 days off
You’ll get a similar natural adrenaline / endorphin speedball with much less lasting harm to your body if you run or do jumping jacks for five minutes.
i have been doing indoor bikeing on a trainer, though it only gives neutral results, and the next few days i feel mentaly bad and frustrated at my failure. i have even had an adrenal storm doing it, though i can’t tell if i was in the midst of the storm before i started and biking made it worse it it it was the trigger. i seem to always be on adrenaline.
It’s difficult, I’m not going to lie. You can try looking for someone who does DBT, that’s where I found someone to help me.
DBT is good for getting to grips with the anger and urges.
But I hear you. I now live in a place where no one gives a fuck about you and I’ve not found a therapist who is competent or even pretends to give a fuck about you. So I’ve just given up.
yea, i got that. it has to be sharp and sudden pain. all that talk of using cold to safely manage is complete utter bullshit. recently i used a hammer to hit the space between the bones in my fore arm, and that straightened me out incredibly quick, but man the recovery from that sucked. i usually slam my fists against my steel desk, but my hands are always creaky now.
i should sleep but i cant. i should do things that i enjoy, but doing them is not joyful, and that makes me compound the frustration and the anger. the weekends are dangerous. holidays more so. my work has mandated time off because i don’t take pto. so in three month i will have to face the prospect of 20 days off
You’ll get a similar natural adrenaline / endorphin speedball with much less lasting harm to your body if you run or do jumping jacks for five minutes.
i have been doing indoor bikeing on a trainer, though it only gives neutral results, and the next few days i feel mentaly bad and frustrated at my failure. i have even had an adrenal storm doing it, though i can’t tell if i was in the midst of the storm before i started and biking made it worse it it it was the trigger. i seem to always be on adrenaline.
Or have an orgasm
surprisingly being in a bad mood ruins this, i can no longer use that as a crutch
Have you tried p-spot stimulation?
yes
You sound a bit like me a few years ago. Chronic loneliness and BPD was awful.
You should try see if you can get a decent therapist. Even if it’s just online in a different country.
i tried doing that (findinga therapist) when i had the energy a couple days ago. i walked away from that failure with new levels of frustration.
i have learned that any efforts to improve my situation is paid back two fold in depression and urges. the harder i try the worse it gets
It’s difficult, I’m not going to lie. You can try looking for someone who does DBT, that’s where I found someone to help me. DBT is good for getting to grips with the anger and urges.
But I hear you. I now live in a place where no one gives a fuck about you and I’ve not found a therapist who is competent or even pretends to give a fuck about you. So I’ve just given up.
😶