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Hey I’ll clean and be my GF/Wife’s best friend but I just don’t give much of a fuck about cooking.
I’ll still do it, and funnily enough doing it for other people after I’ve already eaten sounds fine. But I despise cooking for myself and I’m really mediocre at it.
This is why I occasionally piss on the floor. Keeps some ammunition in the wife’s bank.
If you do this about your spouse to your friends, they are gonna know because all your friends hate them or are awkward around them.
Spy X Family S3E10
omg just about every time coworkers talk about their husbands I leave the conversation feeling really, really, really grateful for what I have
My wife and I are basically attached at the hip. She’s my best friend and we do so much to support each other on all fronts.
Meanwhile in our friend circles, it’s the total opposite. People that are clearly with the wrong partners but refuse to change or grow; one that continues chasing a relationship they’ve admitted is toxic for them; couples that are married out of what seems like trauma alone or they’ve simply drifted due to never communicating; a few with the weird “wife bad lol” boomer mentality; a now-acquaintance that used to always give everyone unsolicited advice, has now started expressing misogynistic views after being perpetually single. Just no capacity for introspection and self-reflection.
My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are open with each other, we cheer each other on, and we talk through things that bug us. The building blocks are simple but some folks refuse to adhere to them, while constantly wondering what went wrong.
Women have always been the strongest leaders throughout my life. My wife is my world and I personally think that women make better leaders. I’ve never been interested in any of the dumb humor and thought tropes that come out of male circles about women, even dating back to high school. All of that shit has always felt weird and makes me lose respect for the men that lean on that kind of lazy punch-down humor.
Most of my friends in relationships are happy there, but my wife and I are still notoriously happy in ours. I recently had a therapist comment about how we handle conflict surprisingly well after I explained it to her
I agree with everything except that women make better leaders, because i’d rather call it “different”. Leadership styles do differ, but which one is better depends on the situation. My wife was absolutely great at planning and improvising when something went wrong, while not having the calm needed for fine, detailed work - threading a needle was a pain for her, constructing something from Ikea made her really tilt; I OTOH absolutely suck at improvising (planning is fine, although realizing the plans is hard), while having no issue with very sensitive and rather annoying tasks, i simply kept my pace and cool throughout.
We really were a good match in general, and would still be together if it weren’t for my other issues which made us slowly drift apart and smothered what we had. We still care for each other a lot and visit one another every few weeks and message daily, but how it currently stands we are both better off alone.
Strangely I cope a lot better with the situation than her - i have a more active social life than i ever had before because i finally broke free of my permanent mental overload by living alone and being able to set my own rules, while her social circle currently crumbles without a clear reason why (although i think a lot of her acquaintances do resent her for dropping me, and gossip seems to spread like wildfire - she doesn’t deserve that at all, but even where i personally told people that I fully agree with the decision to separate, it doesn’t help at all)
I don’t even think that there exists such thing as “male” or “female” leadership. Leadership is just leadership, it’s genderless, just like a rock is just a rock.
Ultimately, things just do exist, they don’t have genders. If anything, they’re only by their materiality and their objective and/or intrinsical features, not by something so subjective and arbitrary as gender.
Some African and Native South-American “male” leadership styles are more similar to what in the Western culture would be considered a “female” leadership style.
I think the fact that you were able to identify your own struggles, while still maintaining a good relationship is huge. I think “different” is a better descriptor here over my saying it’s “better.” It’s always nuanced and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. When you find that those blocks all naturally interlock together and you support one another to fill those gaps, that demonstrates a really healthy connection.
Open, honest communication is the foundation for ANY healthy long term relationship. Spousal, friendship, family, all of it. It genuinely baffles me how many people don’t seem to get what that means. It doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to approach tension in your relationship in good faith and with intent to fix it as a team, not as an excuse to shirk responsibility and blame others. Even if it isn’t your fault. Blame itself does not offer solutions.
As a 100% polyamorous person, most folks first instinct is to ask me how I can manage it without getting jealous and are shocked to hear that, if anything, I feel orders of magnitude less jealousy than I would in an exclusive relationship. The problems they usually cite are problems that would be just as bad if not worse with monogamy, as evidenced by how many peoe cheat in monogamy. Their gut reaction is to imagine it as some sort of cuckold/cuckuean humiliation ritual when it really just comes down to the fact that I’m not perfect, I accept that fact and I want the ones I love to maximize the love they feel by seeking what I can’t provide from others. It’s such a burden off my chest. I can love my wife in the ways I do best and just be happy with that.
I kinda lost track what I was talking about I’m a bit sleep deprived. But I’m happy you and your wife are flourishing and I hope any changes to come only serve to strengthen that 💚🐿️
I never understood why I should be jealous as a polyamorous person.
Like I also get to bang other people. There’s literally nothing to be jealous of
My wife and I are at the bar patio right now playing board games.
Perfect. What games?
Love this perspective and I feel a lot of the same
I’m a guy and this is me with my friends. Every time we hang out they have such boomer attitudes about their wives, one is even convinced that I’m gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way. It’s depressing, but there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates.
My best friend was convinced that my ex wanted to get pregnant even though we’d been together for years and she had zero desire to have children. Nothing I said convinced him. I really don’t get it because it’s just not that uncommon anymore for people to not want kids.
I’ve had the opposite experience. A few year ago a bunch of the guys I hung out with in college got together at a Wurstfest (German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas), and got super drunk. All the married guys were talking about how they just loved their wives so much.
It was super wholesome.
German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas
Oh man, I was expecting a town in Germany and nearly broke my brain trying to pronounce “Bew Braunfels” in German.
Then I read the “Texas”. 😅
I work in IT. Every time more than a handful of IT folks get together the talk always turns towards how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.
Or the wife is framed as someone who keeps them from buying tech stuff (“I’d like to upgrade my homelab, but the purchasing department keeps turning me down! Har har”).
I’m just sitting here with a lovely wife who trusts me to spend money on what we need to keep the tech stuff working.
I think the main problem with most relationships is the myth that “opposite poles get attracted to each other”. No, the more you have in common with someone else, the more succesful, peaceful and enjoyable the relationship will be. That’s not always the case, for sure, and there’s obviously exceptions to that rule nevertheless, but are in the end just that, exceptions, not the norm, and when you date someone that doesn’t at least share your core interests, views and principles, you could and definitely will get constant arguments and fights because of the constant and often serious and intense clashes of expectations and ways of seeing and living life.
I think the main problem with most relationships is the myth that “opposite poles get attracted to each other”
Imma go beyond this.
The problem with the intergenerational “wisdom” being transferred is that a lot of this shit lost why they were memes worth spreading in the first place. It’s not “opposites attract”, its “marriage and raising a family and creating a good home environment requires a diverse skillset, and being different people allows you to bring that diverse skillset so that you can be self sufficient in your family group and have a degree of personal autonomy due to being able to dedicate yourself to different social groups and activities, while returning to each other and appreciating the time you have together.”
It came out a little through the generational loss.
Yeah, and I’m good with that definition. But the problem is that most people are just interpretating it as if it were “I hatr parties and she loves parties, so we’ll be the perfect marriage with no doubt”, while that will cause so many problems because of these are two ways of socialization that are in the antipodes of each other. I myself hate parties as I’m heavily introverted and, also, I’m autistic, so I don’t really get well in large groups or people (or even in small groups of people if I don’t know them), and I also just hate the ambience of a party.
Even with more small things it does apply. Like, I love anime, so I’d never date with someone who hates it.
And it obviously will be more important when it’s about trascendental things such as religion, political views or philosophical stances.
But most people just take it as “if you hate X, you have to date with someone that loves X” or “if you love Y, you have to date with someone who hates Y”; that’s not how it works.
True complementarity needs to be built upon a strongly shared core of expectations, values, thoughts, ideas, visions of the world and ways of living life, because otherwise there will be little or not intelligibility.
I remember seeing here on Lemmy a while back that a good boyfriend/girlfriend is a best friend where there is also an erotic angle.
an erotic angle.
Or at least a cute one
ACE
Ventura, Cute Math Detective
Cutely fitting.
I was referencing Ace as in asexual.Being “Ace Venture, Cute math Detective”… Fits
A Cute Engels?
You went too far. You’re in the deep end.
I’d like to propose that it’s not an erotic angle, but a romantic one!
I know for many it’s probably the same thing, but to me there’s a clear difference between a close friend who you also have sex with and a romantic partner
I think that, at least for me, a friend with whom you have a romantic angle isn’t a partner (in the sense of a girlfriend or a boyfriend or yk). I do think that both (sexual and romantic) are needed, but again, that’s only for me; different people might have different concepts of what a relationship like that will or should be and that’s fine.
As one of the ancient poets once said
How can we be loves if we can’t be friends?
- Michael Bolton, 1989
I thought he was a no-talent ass-clown!
And more importantly, why should I have to change? he’s the one who sucks
one is even convinced that I’m gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way
Classic Divorced Guy
there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates
Wife and I joke about how we can never get divorced because it would be too awkward when we kept hanging out as friends.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
My parents vacation together 4 to 5 times a year (pensioners), all 4 of them are great friends. It’s so cute but a little bit wild, because during the last years of their marriage they really didn’t get along and I remember that time vividly.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
Some people are just better as friends than lovers and I think that’s awesome if they can figure that out before doing irreparable damage to said friendship.
I have a pretty significant ex, and it certainly took some introspection and painful internal work, but I eventually was able to hang out with them again and still really value their friendship; I even invited them to my wedding, and attended theirs in kind.
As I saw it, this person was my best friend for the majority of six years together, and I didn’t want to totally discard that part of myself that had that friendship, even if the romantic relationship didn’t ultimately work out.
I’m no longer sure the romance part can even be real.
It’s just friends all the way down.
Some people are just better as friends than lovers
Mrs. Doubttfure taught me that same lesson!
I know it’s random, but can I just say I’m so happy that movie didn’t end with her falling in love with him again and leaving James Bond? He wasn’t even a bad guy! I’ve always respected that.
I dated a guy for 13 years, when we finally broke up we were still going to events together!
Same here
After a few beers I usually just try to hold back the question why they’re even together with their wife, if they’re so unhappy with her
I do get, that some people just need to vent, but I don’t have anything bad to say about my wife.
She loves this piece of shit, that I am. In my eyes she is an absolute saintThat’s kind of my take. My wife puts up with me, and even seems to enjoy being around me. That’s pretty unusual and I question her judgement. I’m certainly not complaining.
It’s people who rush into relationships because they feel like they need one, instead of taking time to find your actual best friend forever.
If your friends trash-talk their partner behind their back, guess what they say about you behind yours.
Honestly, there are some people who shit-talk their exes so much that I worry a little bit.
I’ve embraced it. With exes on good terms I know I’m someone they had a good time with but it ended for some reason. For one woman I’m a damaged bitch who threw away something good to be a slut (I realized monogamy wasn’t something I could agree to after she told me she needed it, didn’t cheat), and for the woman she and I had been dating at the time I’m still a bad ex, but I was one of the least bad exes she’d had yet.
I also had one woman who pressured me into romantic stuff I absolutely didn’t want who actually did try to spread damaging lies about me, but people in the community believed me over her because she kept pulling the same crap and I was a respected member of the community. That one sucked, but nothing she pulled after was half as bad as an afternoon during.
A red flag for sure.
“All my exes are crazy!” — sure they are.
Hot take: venting about the person you live with doesn’t mean you’ll be venting about people you hang out with occasionally.
But it would be good to discuss your issues with the person face to face, regardless if it’s a friend, roommate, or spouse.
Hotter take: If they stay with someone they can’t talk to about their problems with, they’re going to have other flaws as well. A healthy functioning adult is not gonna be in that kind of relationship, or stay in it either
I don’t think that’s a hot take, I think that’s a perfectly reasonable take.
I don’t think that’s what the comic in the OP is referencing.
Certainly not what I was referencing.
You said
If your friends trash-talk their partner behind their back, guess what they say about you behind yours.
I responded to argue that this wasn’t the case, and that some people complain about their live in partner but don’t complain about their non live in friends.
I know what I said.
I know what you said.
You aren’t clocking the situation correctly.
Your partner getting on your nerves and you going to a therapist or a trusted friend to vent and/or get critical feedback is one thing.
Getting into a circle of people who are griping about about their parter, especially when they twist your arm to join in the trash-talking, is another thing entirely. But even in a one-on-one situation, someone who trashes their partner (implying habituality), isn’t someone to trust with sensitive information. It’s a particularly cruel kind of gossiping, which you should also avoid. Because guess what happens when you talk to a gossip? They pry information out of you and spread it around.
Also note that I said “trash-talking” where you said “venting.”
Different situations.
You aren’t clocking the situation correctly.
I’m not responding to the situation at large, I’m responding to your comment in isolation.
someone who trashes their partner (implying habituality), isn’t someone to trust with sensitive information
I don’t believe I agree with this, with the qualifier that I also don’t agree with trash talking your partner to begin with. I don’t think you’re right that if someone talks negatively about their partner that they can’t be trusted with information. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
Also note that I said “trash-talking” where you said “venting.”
I’ll use trash talking from now on if it helps.
Weaponized Competence!
Relationships work best when you just do things.
Only job I don’t touch is laundry. I’m perfectly fine doing it, but my spouse has the most convaluted ADHD non-system. When I do help I end up washing clean clothes and putting away dirty clothes because I can’t tell what pile is what.
I love my partner but honestly, gun to my head, I could never get a load of her laundry done without disaster. I tried, but determining which of her infinite identical black articles of clothing are hand-wash only, which are dry-clean only, which are cold wash hang-dry, which are tumble dry light, etc. is a skill I completely lack. Add to it that she’s autistic as all hell and so has removed the tags from every article of clothing she owns and I never stood a chance on this one…
(meanwhile my own laundry follows the “if it can’t go into the wash on heavy-duty, hot, it’s weak and needs to be culled from the herd” line of thinking. I’m not particularly presentable, I admit.)
Yeah, my wife and I have a general rule that if it goes in the laundry basket it gets cold regular duty then high heat tumble dry unless otherwise stated (as in each time it’s in there). I’ve got a few hang drys and so I just say I’m doing the laundry when they’re in it. And I always fold because I’m the one who’s more peculiar about how my dresser is organized.
There’s a certain point in peculiarity where if you need the chore done that way you can do it yourself or you can learn to live with how your partner does it
All I had to do was ruin a few articles of her clothing and I was off the job. I was truly trying to be helpful, but the blowback was real. I still do my own, however.
First sentence sounded a lot like weaponized incompetence. 😅
IKR? I was accused of that, but it was honestly unintentional even if the results were not entirely undesirable…
Laundry go in machine come out wet. Put in next machine, come out dry. It was a while ago and I have since learned there is nuance with fabrics/temps/hang dry, etc. I still do just my own laundry as the lesson is not forgotten, but I am also approved for general sheets and towels duty. You do what you will with the original information!
My spouse set up individual tubs for each person’s clothes to be put in after the dryer (including tubs for blankets and towels).
Very organized, but the entire laundry room floor is covered in these individual tubs.
I fold things as soon as I take them out of the dryer so I can avoid the tubs.
My wife and i kind of just fell into set tasks that we dont mind doing, but the other person hates. For example, i hate emptying the dishwasher, but i dont mind filling it. She does all the laundry, i do all the bathroom cleaning.
It’s the “Ain’t it Awful” game. Just tell them he has a small dick and they’ll concede. It works twofold: they’ll feel sorry for you, and you won’t have to worry that they’ll try to fuck him.
This is quite a male take. Women don’t really complain about this and it isn’t anywhere near comparable to not helping with housework.
Besides, we need to normalize talking about competent partners. So many women I know are in terrible relationships because they’ve convinced themselves that all men are awful.
Women don’t really complain about this and it isn’t anywhere near comparable to not helping with housework.
shitty partners shitty, etc, but…
Fellas, would you rather have a huge dick and not do housework, or a tiny dick and do housework?
I’ve been saying for years that “men are trash” is just the woke version of “boys will be boys” because it still normalizes shitty behavior amongst men.
This is funny, but if my wife did this, I would be devastated.
We shouldn’t give a damn about penis sizes. Though I get that may be easy to say as someone with a humongous dong /s
As someone who is below average I’ve had to have multiple people tell me that sex with someone not as well endowed isn’t worse, it’s different. You can’t really boil the intricacies of copulation down to “Bigger = Better”.
I don’t get it. If you have a dick that’s too big, you don’t have to put it all in
To quote a poet, “the clitoris doesn’t care how big anyone’s dick is”
Hey, a PizzaCake comic with a punchline! Keep up the good work!
Wow, you really know how to give compliments.
It was in earnest. I’m one of the haters and this got a chuckle out of me.
Same! I guess we won’t get branded as incel misogynists this time for saying it’s not funny!
Idk why this is being downvoted.
Like her comics or not - that’s on you - the reality is that people that criticize them are called incel misogynists, and god forbid you make state that on any of the comic subs (they’ll nuke your account).
Seriously, this one was actually a comic, and was funny!
She used to be so funny before she pivoted to “my haters are neckbeard incels” content instead of actual comics.
Edit: looks like she’s been making better comics again for about a month or two https://bsky.app/profile/pizzacakecomic.bsky.social
She was interacting with redditors and twitter people for a bit. convinced the entire internet was those sorts of people.
If i interact with redditor and twitter(twitteror?) i’d think the same too. If i went on Thread i will want to shut down the whole internet.
At one point I was trying to tell artists about lemmy/piefed/etc… every time I posted on r/comics I would get auto-modded/ auto-removed comment. It was unfortunate. We may have less people here…but they are generally nicer. At the very least actual human beings. Thats been my experience last 2-2 years now.
And she’s saying something positive about men.
Do you think she’s OK?
She’s not. She’s saying something positive about a man. But more broadly saying men are incompetent & acknowledging the exceptions.
She isn’t saying that at all.
She is saying that those women complain about their spouse all the time. Nothing about those men actual abilities.
You making that connection says more about you than about her comics.
Does it count as a punchline when it’s a fairly played out trope at this point?
Baby steps.
I saw this from another angle a while ago. Speaking to a group of women at work and mentioned I do pretty much all the cooking at home. One of them asked what I make and I got the impression she doubted my ability, she is older and perhaps basing this off her own husband.
So I listed some weekday meals I typically make, made a point that it is all stuff I make after work too because someone had mentioned not having the time to cook.
Sourdough pizza, egg fried rice and lemon chicken, toad in the hole, pie with roast potatoes and gravy. Then sometimes if we want a pudding I sometimes make rice pudding, or steamed sponge like a jam roly poly or spotted dick.
I would be soooo fat knowing you. That sounds amazing.
TIL “spotted dick” is actually food.
It’s food as well
Please don’t be alarmed, but I am finding out where you live and coming round for my tea.
I am a big fan of weekday risotto since learning you don’t actually have to stir it if you have a good sealing dutch oven or pressure cooker and short grain rice.
Risotto isn’t something I usually cook, maybe I should try it sometime. I don’t normally stir rice when cooking it anyway. Currently got very cheap white rice which can be a little sticky compared to the basmati rice I usually cook with, but its not a massive problem.
I remember my ex-wife telling me something similar - i wasn’t even a very good husband because of my psychiatric issues which weren’t fixable, but i gave her attention and wanted her to feel good. Seemingly the average hubby is failing even at this if the feedback she got back from her friends and colleagues was worth anything.
The bar for “decently responsible and kind man” seems incredibly low.
Yeah, my behavior towards her never really was an issue in the relationship, it was the inability to pull my weight because of my problems, and the quirks that come with my diagnosis like being bad at receiving criticism (at least when completely unprepared to receive it - i learned to step back emotionally if being told i’d get feedback which worked good enough, but that’s pretty clunky in a relationship)
Often times it’s damn near on the ground but don’t worry, there’s guys that still bring a shovel
If being responsible and kind was all it took, more would succeed.
Nah, some women just like to make stuff up to complain about something.
I don’t think that’s the case, i did not have close contact with my ex’s colleages, but the 3 pairs i got to know pretty much confirmed the complaints - hubbys rather gaming all night long than caring for the newborn child or working on his education that he started years ago, using very aggressive voice when talking with their wives, not even touching anything in the household outside of making a mess and so on.
I was very bad regarding chores because of my permanent mental overload (oh how much i tried to live up to expectations only to fail again and again), but at least i tried and she recognized it (She always said the most important thing was that i kept trying. Actually, that really was the most important thing, because it helped me develop at least some skill regarding self-care). I also loved to cook elaborate meals for her, even when it stressed the fuck out of me, and was able to bake our own rye bread for about 3 years which she absolutely loved. I also always was able to make her birthday a very special event (one time i filled the entire living room with helium filled balloons over night which she really loved - we played around like children in there, and the cats were thrilled too lol).
When talking with the wives, there was an absolute absence of things like these in their marriages. I’d say their complaints were absolutely valid.
Lol my wife works in a clinic with some folks that are a little messy, with messier SOs.
I get so much goodwill for just laying in the cut. Sending a meme instead of a mean text is apparently a hard hurdle to clear for some folks.
![Having a good partner [PizzaCake]](https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/3c29d75b-f0f5-4c4b-ad7a-5dd4bfeb0f06.webp){kind=link}