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Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
Hahaha omg that’s hilarious. I hope he lived
He has a bunch more where he eats a cactus and a bunch of other weird crap.
The old stuff (decade+ old) is the good stuff
I can’t believe that guy is still active. Or alive.
Thank you. This is glorious!
I watched this with my wife and we both cried laughing
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Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!
Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
Don’t forget plenty of water.
plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.
That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.
The fact that bananas and avocado are being listed separate to "berries“ disproportionately angers me.
🫂
Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don’t necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
You know you’re just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I’m not drinking, I’m eating
- I like my water like I like my vitamins. CHEWABLE
I too love chewing ice.
But your tooth enamel certainly doesn’t :<
Oh, it can’t be that bad.
googles it
Oh fuck.
something something bottled water left in the sun something microplastics.
you… chew… soup?
Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn’t.
People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn’t scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you’ll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
The … What?
I’mma need the story link, officer.
Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.
This isn’t real, you’re just baiting because it’s lemmy… Right? …Right?
I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you it’s real and worth finding
There’s too many beans stories and search sucks these days… I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts
It is fun to know there’s a story out there I’ve yet to come across though, I’m sure I’ll stumble upon it someday
Apologies friend, I’m having trouble finding it myself. But it’s a longer, more elaborate version of the “this nigga eating beans” meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I’ll post it here in your honor.
When ChatGPT was new, I had it rewrite that story in the style of Stephen King. I remember it ended with something like, “And in that theater, some say they can still hear the sound of a fork scraping the inside of a can of beans.”
What story is that?
Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they’re about to host
Not one, but a full bag of them.
Search for “Sugar free gummy bears review”. There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
The story of peanutbitter
What’s that?
It was a funnyjunk user who ate a whole bag of sugar free gummy bears and showed what the aftermath was of that decision
Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.
If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.
If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at
Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There’s no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.
You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.
Yeah. I lived in America for 6 years; and when I left, it was primarily because of the tangible risk of getting in a minor car accident and being financially ruined.
Even so, I quickly forget about the undercurrent of fear and avoidance I had with doctors or clinics of any kind.
So we’d rather take abdominal pain so bad it keeps you from functioning, because the alternative could be an expensive nothing-burger.
also weirdly significantly increasing your fiber intake in a short time (going from 0 to 30g - 100% RDI - of psyllium husk for example) can actually cause diarrhoea
I read somewhere that there are actually two types of fiber, and they have different effects, but most food is only ever labelled “fiber” so idk.
Soluble vs. insoluble. But also fermenting vs. non-fermenting for both types. Psyllium husk powder is non-fermenting soluble fiber. Not drinking enough water with soluble fiber gives hard stools. But soluble fiber is “the good kind”. That super popular doctor recommended fiber-by-the-spoon is psyllium powder, all dressed up.
Whole psyllium husks are fun.
I swear last time I put a bunch in my shaker I shit things I never ate.
this was a glorious greentext to behold
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DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!
Fake: anon tried to lose weight
Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiberyou can add two spaces at the end of a line to cause a new-line
like this:<space><space>
here starts a new lineI seem to have forgot to do that.
Why did I read your username as “wizard_poop” ?
‘my guts are yelling in German’ lmao
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
Moose in heat living in my belly.
Well some weight was lost, at least
This was the funniest story I have ever had
Funniest story so far!
This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
@sh.itjust.works Yes it does, whether you want it to or not
